An Ode to my Little Blue Phone

I bought a new phone. And it is a flashy one too. And while I should be excited to turn off my little blue phone for the last time and tuck it in a drawer of old electronic devices, I feel sad. Almost like I should be putting the little guy in a frame rather than a drawer. Oh, the places it has been.

I bought my phone almost exactly 3 years ago. October 18th, 2008. I remember the date because it was the day after I found out cancer had recurred in my lymph nodes. After hearing the news, Kate drove up from Naperville to spend the weekend with me. We went to Southdale and I decided I deserved a little treat- a free treat- but a treat nontheless. I liked it because it looked like a kid's toy phone (little did I know that three years later I would have a kid who thought it was his toy). The first phone call I made was to Dr. W at UNC, tellling him I would be spending some time down in NC, fighting cancer again. I should have known from the first phone call that this phone was in it for the long haul.

Megan met me in Chicago and the little blue phone checked in with friends and family as we drove from Illinois to NC. The little blue guy went with me to the hospital on 11/11/08 as the surgeon planned to remove the cancer and cut nerves in my neck. After I woke up, it texted friends to let them know that I could still raise my arm, even after the doctors had told me I wouldn't be able to. I think my dad used it to call Jen, Angela, and Brynna to update them while they sat in Reading Railroad, waiting for word on my status. While it couldn't post updates to Facebook or send emails, it still helped me stay in touch with those in Minnesota who were thinking about me.

My faithful phone then dutifully trucked along with me to each infusion and radiation appointment. I had to hide it in the chemo room so the nurses wouldn't yell at me, but it was worth it. Being able to connect with friends far away while sitting in that recliner made life a little bit better. Having it in my purse as I drove back and forth to the hospital was a comfort to my mom who thought I shouldn't be driving at that point in my treatment.

About my mom, if my phone could tell me the one person it called the most, it would be her. We talk almost every day. She has been a constant in my unexpected, but mecry and grace-filled life the past 3 years. She has laughed with me through contractions and cried with me through life changes. And I owe that all to my phone considering she lives a thousand-plus miles away.

In the winter of 2009-2010, I rivaled Jacob Roloff in the number of texts I was sending. But Little Blue kept up. In March of 2010, I called my parents to let them know that the source of my headaches was not, in fact, a brain tumor, but a little baby. And then the phone really started going- texting Kate and Angela, calling Caitlyn, Eric, and Megan. One of the text messages still saved is from Caitlyn, "call baby Hoda. and her nickname can be Hodawoman."

I have a few voicemails that I can't bring myself to delete: a couple from my dad checking in with me, one from a college friend reciting a poem about a girl named Adrienne that he was improvising as he went along, a message from Dawn on November 8th, calling to find out if there was any baby news.

I called Dawn back early morning on November 9th to tell her I had contractions all night and that today MIGHT be the day. I was right. It was the day. I also called Melissa on the little blue phone- she took me to the doctor's office and we were told that by the end of the day, I was going to have a baby. I picked up my phone to call my mom and we cried when I told her. I don't know how many texts I sent and received that day, but I am sure it was in the hundreds. The reason I don't know is that Melissa took my phone away from me. Apparently there were more important things to do than respond to texts. Cedar was born at 8:16 PM. Kyle sent out a mass text that is still saved in my phone "It is a handsome boy...Cedar Ebenezer". I even have a picture of myself holding my new son after he was born with the phone up to my ear, calling Megan, I think. It's a boy! We all thought he was a girl.

This year, I have added a handful of new numbers to my list of contacts. Different circles, different groups...and I thank God for each one. People I never expected to get pulled into my life, and Cedar and I are all the better for it. This year my phone has called Singapore and received texts from Myanmar. Maybe around Thanksgiving, I will get a phone call from Indonesia.

So, farewell, little blue phone! Job well done.

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You know you're in Singapore if

1. being drenched in sweat is a way of life. Even though I would argue NC summers are no worse, this is year round and in Singapore you WALK. everywhere.

2. public transportation is a way of life. For the average person here, there are 3 ways of getting around on the island: MRT (metro), bus and taxi. Owning a real car is an e.x.p.e.n.s.i.v.e luxury. I guess it's time to get accustomed to a life of waiting, flagging, and pushing (Singaporeans unnecessarily push and climb their way on to buses. calm down, please)

3. chewing gum in public is illegal. I think you can get away with it if it is not "flaunted" (no bubbles, popping, chomping). Weird, right? If I get caught I will plead the 5th... or at least claim I'm an ignorant tourist.

4. the average chicken meal consists of bone, gristle and fat... apparently it adds flavor. I might be searching high and low for some french toast to live off for the next 2 years if I don't find something decent. No, I KNOW there is good food here- I just have to find it.

5. at any given moment you will hear someone speaking Chinese, Korean, Hindi or English as a second language. Looks like learning something other than Latin or Hebrew would have payed off in the real world. Maybe in 2 years time speaking Mandarin will be second nature :)

6. you get stared at for being white. Not because they have never seen a white person before, but because they have never seen a white person walking the street and riding their buses before. Apparently if you are white, then you have money to live in the business district and rent fancy taxis... not this white girl.

7. you are the only person wearing shorts and a tank top in 90 degree weather. Maybe one day my blood will thin, but the thought of wearing pants and long sleeves in this weather just about does me in. I guess being Singaporean means being cool, calm and collected, even in stifling heat.

*All these observations were made after one week in the country. My ideas or observations may change with time.
**I have literally taken ZERO pictures since I have been here. zero. I will get on that asap and post some on here when I do.

For now, the school and place I am staying at are in a district called Clementi. It looks a lot like this


Cheers.

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I just want to do something really fun with YOU

I asked my kindergarteners a while back if they were doing anything special for Easter... and that's what one boy said. grinning. dead serious. I would have probably taken him home with me if I knew I could get away with it.

The other ESL teacher showed me what one of her 5th graders had written for a personal narrative. The only requirements for the story were that it was 1) true and 2) actually happened to them. His story started out "One day my family and about 20 other people walked for 5 hours in Texas..." He told about how cops came and his uncle shot them. The cops shot other people in the group and killed them, while his parents hid him in a backpack. His story was called Crossing The Border.

One of my first graders sings e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. Whether we are reading poems or narratives or instructions, when it's his turn to read, he sings the words to a made up tune. He is also currently in love with the word awkward and will use it whenever he gets the chance. The other day another boy shared a (fairly) normal comment, and this boy rolls over on his back with his legs and arms up in the air shouting "that was sooo awkward." so good.

A second grader shared that his dad told him he could start wearing boxers instead of tighty whiteys. in front of the whole class. in the middle of a lesson on maps.

The other day the same ESL teacher I work with was having a conversation with one of her 5th graders. I couldn't hear all the details, but the girl was voicing her worries and concerns about middle school. She was scared. not ready. The last words I heard as the girl was leaving the room was "I'll pray for you." They jolted me. It was words I've heard so many times in my life, but it was a collision of worlds hearing it in my public school classroom. What redeeming, intentional words filled with such potential in a space that is often a breeding ground for frustration.

Today, I showed my kids a series of pictures and had them tell me what they saw. One of the pictures was a little boy playing a trumpet to some toy bears. A boy in class raised his hand and said "He is playing a trombone." My heart surged and I got a huge smile on my face. No, he was not playing a trombone, but the fact that this boy was even a) close and b) knew the word 'trombone' made me so proud and happy. He doesn't even know all the letters of the alphabet.

Teaching is made of thousands of these moments-- teachable ones, happy ones, encouraging ones, take-your-breath-away-for-a-second ones and straight up FUNNY ones. So glad for each.

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Conflict

"Who am I? What am I like? of what evil am I not capable, in either deed or word or will? But you are good and merciful, Lord. Your right hand reached to the bottom of my heart and emptied out its dregs of death and corruption. All you asked was the I cease to want what I willed, and begin to want what you willed. "
Augustine

How easy my heart reverts to its old habits. One second I am praising Jesus with my lips and the next my sin nature creeps in and begins to take root, turning my once good desires into seeds of discontentment. One minute I am all for Him, and the next I am pining after something that is not mine. Lately, I've been desiring and praying for good (I think) things. Things that will grow me, give Jesus glory and make known the path of life to others, BUT it's been a constant struggle to keep theses desires pure. The line is so easily crossed from pleading/persevering in my prayers to longing and discontentment. I must come back to his word and remind myself of what is sure:

1. I am dead to sin (Rom 6:11)-- freed from sin's POWER over me. Being freed from sin brings LIFE, salvation, including sanctification and eternal life.

2. THEREFORE, I am commanded to not let sin reign in my body (6:12)-- Jesus' death was not a quick fix for the sin in our lives. Paul does not declare the believer dead to sin and leave it at that. There is no disconnect between the old life and new life at regeneration. He proclaims us dead to sin through Jesus, but resurrected so that “we too might walk in newness of life.” The outworking of the gospel is faith and works... it necessarily expresses itself through obedience in attitudes and manners similar to Christ.

3. Now to him who is able to establish you according to the gospel and the preaching of Jesus Christ (Rom 16:20)... I may not be able, but HE IS. If I had taken Greek instead of Hebrew I could do a little word study on establish, but instead I'll settle for the Oxford English dictionary. Establish: to found, institute, build, or bring into being on a firm or stable basis; to show to be valid or true, prove. Here I am, Jesus. Establish me.

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Thoughts on

School
Elementary schools seem to draw in two extreme classes of people. First, those that are head over heals in love with kids, pictures of elephants, and singing songs. They're the ones that come in on their off days to catch up, the ones that dress up in head to toe shamrocks on St. Patrick's day and those that will volunteer to do anything the principal asks. Class #1. Class #2 is quite the opposite. This group repeatedly mocks the first group behind their backs, curses- either mouthing the words when students are present or voicing their loud opinion in the staff lounge. They spout off nonchalantly "Oh, I hate that kid" and proceed to share (without being asked) where they'd rather be (at the bar) than teaching that day. If I was forced at gunpoint to join one of these groups, I'd choose the first, but neither is my cup of tea. Oh learning to work with/love the weird, bitter and alcoholics.


Babies
In order to be an ESL student, you must be cute. really cute. I have the biggest crush on one of my first graders, Alejandro. He's 6, lives in a trailer with his mom and sleeps on the floor at night. Kill me. Little kids are ashamed of nothing (no really, absolutely nothing) and it is a breath of fresh air. I could learn a thing or two from them.

Jay
Jay is my new Bible believing, theology teaching, resonate-with-my-heart pastor at my new church. A few things that have spoken to my soul the last two weeks:
1. Inconsistency-- So many people claim to have a passion for the world, poor etc. but don't know how to love their own neighbor. Transformation starts with the heart and moves outward to those closest to you, those that are usually hardest to love. Consistent hearts love their neighbor, whether that be a co-worker or an orphan in Russia.
2. The king of this world is a crucified King- his crucifixion (not just himself) comes to bear on every part of the world (culture, creation, art etc).
3. Then they believed his promises and sang his praise. --Psalm 106:12 Ah, let this be me.

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Today

was the first time I was called Ms. Frank and got paid for it. Although I still feel way too young to be called that, the name has never sounded sweeter. Working in a classroom is something I've wanted to do since... elementary school. My official title is ESL teacher assistant. I will be playing games and singing songs with K-2 babies. For money! Can you believe it?

As I was filling out an information sheet about myself for the front office, I was asked to list out hobbies/interests. I wrote "photography, traveling, and reading novels set in different cultures or countries." As I wrote it, I couldn't help but smile thinking I was going to be working 100% with students who speak French at the dinner table, went to 1st grade in South Korea or call their grandmas "Abuelita." Funny, God.
I get to work with the easily overlooked. the misunderstood. the embarrassed. What an opportunity! At the same time, how overwhelming. I wrote a post during my first weeks of student teaching about similar things. How powerful are my words? actions? How do I love them well-- consistently. not out of my own will, but with the abundance of Christ's love in my own heart? I have a lot to learn, but so ready for it.

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I highly recommend

1. watching "Waiting for Superman." Depressing, inspiring, and a kick in the pants all in one. For the sake of future generations, if nothing else, be knowledgeable.

2. looking for that time in the month(s?) when the moon is huge, full, hangs low in the sky and looks ORANGE. I gawk at this whenever I get the chance. I don't think this ever happened in California? Maybe it did and I was too absorbed in the florescent library lights to notice. God is a craftsman. Keep your eyes peeled for it.

3. 75 degree weather. My dreams of living in Seattle are fading fast (maybe) when I realize how these patches of warm, sunny weather literally make my day/mood. Few things are better than driving at dusk, in shorts, with the windows down, singing along to the Goo Goo Dolls.

4. a record player. So trendy, I know... But I danced my way through childhood to the tune of "Baby you can drive my car" and "Back in the U.S.S.R" played from one. My dad bought it in college and it still runs like gold. I've been thrifting to try and gather more records for my-soon-to-be collection.

5. patience/handling situations with grace. How many times are we told to "wait on the Lord" in Scripture? No idea, but it sure seems like a lot. a. Impatience is clearly our natural tendency and b. it is important to wait-- good can and will come from it. God is in the process of reeling in my natural nature and teaching me a new, patient one. He also reminded me that you will never regret handling situations with grace.

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